For my birthday, I’m disintegrating

For my birthday I am dis-integrating

In the best way possible

A bEARTHday manifesto:

Disintegrating all people who call themselves friends

But showed otherwise.

Those who claim to understand accountability but when you ask for them to take it, they make excuses instead of apologies and FULL amends to understand the damage their actions/inactions caused,

how it affected you,

And

how to repair the harm

change their behavior for good.

Disintegrating those who say they care but show they don’t.

Those who say they want a relationship and show they want you to relate to them but won’t relate to you.

Those who will tell you all about themselves and rarely ask a curiosity back.

For my birthday I disintegrate an entire community of people who say they understand recovery but show over and over again their utter lack of understanding to deeper healing, void of desire to understand, nor willingness to do anything beyond serving their own selfish desires to look good and pretend healed while still continuing to harm AND won’t admit it YET preach to everyone else to do just that.

I disintegrate false beliefs acquired from these seemingly spiritual spaces and from others that told me healing meant seeing my part and only my part and/or believing I had any part in abuse or others lies/manipulations/theft of my money time and energy, never speaking of my past hurts, never pointing out the harms others caused, and/or asking for justice and protection when the truth is

that speaking bluntly about my past,

parts I played AND pointing out harms from others,

asking for justice and protection for the first time in my life

IS

The

Healing

Disintegrating my forgiveness practices and gratitude that acted as a spiritual and emotional bypass for truth, like beer googles, rose-colored-gratitude-glasses made everything pretty and perpetuated toxic patterns from harmful people in my orbit that needed to be called out for their disrespect and shit behavior instead of me pretending “it’s all good, I’m stronger for it, I don’t need anything, I’m grateful for the opportunity to practice compassion” aka tough-girl, placating, fawning, masquerading as “peace” or “spiritual” or “strength” when it was compounding their harmful behavior, making me struggle with chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety, as it was extracting and exploiting me while I smiled through the pain.

Disintegrating that cowardice in me I used to call spirituality or higher-minded when it was actually void of spirit/source/divine protector and courage.

I disintegrate my cowardice

And the cowards in my orbit

And the cowards in the world.

And as we do that inward work, it will echo outward in our essence, energetic field, voices, actions, habits, and eventually the cowards in our collective psyche, systems, world orders/disorders will follow and fall because we are all waking up to this together.

When one light is lit,

“Darkness” as-in ignorance cannot prevail.

For my birthday

I ask you to light a candle in my honor & repeat this magic spell

“May all the cowardice in me masquerading as healed or spiritual when the truth is i simply lack capacity to have courage to tell a harsher truth and call out harm;

be disintegrated.

May all those cowards in my orbit;

be disintegrated.

May all the cowardice in the world; disintegrate.

I call in and integrate my inner protector.

I call into my orbit other protectors.

I call back the righteous and divine warrior to this world to protect us from harm, shine the light on spiritual ignorance, false humility, false peacefulness that pretends healed when it’s anything but.

I call back truth and ask for our world to use our teeth like weapons forming words like scalpels to cut out infections,

torches of truth to burn out spiritual disease, to burn bridges that allow harms, and to light the crossroads to deeper healing.

And so it is.

It is done.

Aho.

Amen.”

Then watch the candle burn, melt, disintegrate everything false in your light, your life, your love and feel truth sear away the cowardice in every corner of your subconscious and the collective unconscious and consciousness as the protectors in me, you, and us finally come home.

PS this is a Leo south node spell

Repeat it often

And

Remember

Nothing real can be threatened

Step into the fires of self discovery aka truth

They will not burn you

Only what you are not

The task is not to seek love

Only to remove all that love is not

The mystics have said it for centuries

It’s time we embody it

If you want to heal more deeply, wholly, and holy; reach out for 1:1 alchemy with me.

If you want to give me a birthday gift comment on what’s that out to you and or feel free to buy me a 1/2 caff coffee by sending a Venmo gift to @Mikelle-Poulson