Are we hysterical or awake? Maybe it’s hystery not his-story.

“When your heart is genuinely shattered, raw, broken,

when a deep and ancient sense of shame is suddenly alive in your belly,

chest and throat,

when you feel lost and lonely and far from home,

when you’ve lost something that’s precious to you,

when you’re hurting badly and in need of love and validation,

and you talk to a spiritual person, a spiritual student,

a teacher, a healer, a guru, an ‘expert’ of any kind,

and they tell you that you’re playing the victim, that you’re lost in your ego,

that you should be invulnerable to the slings and arrows of the world by now,

that your vibration is way too low,

that you should immediately ‘get off it’ or ‘let go’ or ‘release’ your pain,

that you "attracted" all of this through faulty living,

that you’re being weak and unevolved and ignorant,

that your suffering is illusory and unreal, that pure awareness never suffers so you must be stuck in the separate self,

then please, friends, use these very special, enlightened,

magical spiritual healing words of profound self-love and protection,

and walk the hell away:

✨✨”FUCK OFF”✨✨

Namaste,”

Jeff Foster

I want to share a story about how my ex gave my bike away, “to a newcomer who needed it more than me”, and how he won’t own how wrong that was or make amends to me about that nor the rest of the similar messes he made and left bc “I should’ve…” fill in the reason it’s my fault or it wasn’t a big deal etc.

The advice I was given by a mentor was to say “fuck you, give me back what’s mine”

I could not fathom it.

I felt he’d explode.

Then throw the rest of my things out.

So I kept it. (It was an accurate analysis to keep my things safe.)

But I will say, I agree now, that was the proper place for those words.

I instead tried to kindly explain how that behavior was wrong 😑, like so many things in our relationship, he didn’t care and thought his actions justified.

I’m serious when I keep saying I’m finally integrating my fuck you.

Then I read writings from Jeff foster, Ashworth and Estes as the universe winks and nods 🐉

I know it seems crazy but if I would’ve had the ability to protect myself years ago, to not always be “nice and friendly and sweet and thoughtful and responsible” to actually be selfish and protect and care about my heart when it was being hurt by ppl I was in relationships with. To even notice how shitty their behavior was without bypassing it with “well, I understand that bc_____”.

Trust, I understand, or was always willing to, and they weren’t.

When I kindly learned to speak to it, I got gaslit. And it’s not ok.

I always diffused that bomb skillfully too, so careful not to escalate.

Today I actually see the usefulness of letting bombs that others light and try to pin on me go off.

It would’ve been amazing if when they were attacking me, I could’ve simply said - fuck off.

It’s extreme but necessary sometimes.

Too caring about keeping things clean.

Yes, it helps me feel better but that’s not bad, stop telling ppl that if they want to mend relationships bc they feel better and care about others it’s selfish as is bad.

Sometimes it can be out of balance sure, some need to check their motives but there’s nothing wrong with wanting harmony with those you love.

That said, I’m

Learning more deeply to let it be messy between not just one, but a lot us and know, it’s not mine.

If you behaved poorly toward me, then tried to put it on me, I’ll put it right back on you nowadays and know, it’s not mean petty or selfish, it’s honest and I’m rigorous about it and that, is my part.

And to all the “crazy hormonal women”.

I see your grief.

I see how they dropped the ball and made you pick it up over and over and when you finally said no, how they lit the bomb and blamed it on you.

I see your anger and I honor the truth it’s screaming at you “stop hurting me” and I hope you honor its voice.

(That’s not permission for unchecked violence btw but protection and defense during an attack, yes.)

Let them think you’ve gone mad

When you’ve actually learned how to see and speak truth.

And no, they may not ever own the pain they created but at least you have your voice.

If enough of us start using it,

Who knows

Maybe a revolution can begin.

🙏

“Let them go off”

#aquariusnewmoon #lunarenewyear