Karma is my boyfriend, AND speak tf up too!

There’s huge relief in healing trauma.

What sucks is how much that becomes the individual focus and the community responsibilities of asking people who inflict harm difficult questions is swept under the rug and those who inflict harm get to continue the cycle with others bc “everything in god’s time”.

Remember, god gave you divine resources like a voice to elicit change. It takes courage and wisdom, we need it more than just acceptance and healing sometimes.

Learn to have those hard convos with people you know have hurt others (or yourself) bc it’s one way we have “the courage to change” and yes sometimes it IS planting seeds in others.

We can’t always hold people to Justice and change.

But we can hold boundaries and name the harms.

Protect others who are susceptible to their harms by speaking up.

Dare to break a cycle.

We don’t have power over the effect our voice will have.

But we can use our voice to have a powerful effect and hopefully it’s motivated by love and safety of others, not dehumanizing or shaming but naming and knowing.

FYI, this cycle was so disgustingly exact w his prev ex, you’d probably vomit if I told you the details. The actions and words were so covert I wonder if even HE is fully aware. Then I remember he has a law degree, he most likely knows what he’s doing and he knew the therapist would see it and call it out too so he quit w me the same way he quit w her and hoped his good guy half asses attempts a repair would keep me holding his image as “he just changed his mind and it’s ok”. Sure it’s ok to change your mind AND that’s not the full truth. Cute tho that y’all are believing that.

I don’t want it to happen to others and I know I can’t stop harm altogether and ppl learn by experience but maybe I can affect change and awareness for one or two of you and that’s enough.

Years ago one of my friends, recently out a toxic stalking abusive relationship said some ppl in the community told her he did that to his ex. She wild eyed and exasperated looked at me and said “why didn’t they tell me!?” I paused and said “I guess they wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he’d changed” she said “and what about my benefit?” I have pondered it for years. It echoed many times in my psyche this year.

And it’s why I continue to speak.

And this is why I ask you all to consider confronting ppl who have harmed others (as long as it’s a person you’re closely connected with and it doesn’t put you in harms way.)

I know y’all think I have a vendetta for him or I’m prolonging my healing etc but I hope you can see this is the purpose and my 5,6,7, prayers actions and answers. Speak up. For a million reasons I do. This is just one of them.

I never said anything about my other 2 exes and guess what,… they’re still in the same cycle with someone new. I know I can’t change them and I know if I’d said anything to their new person it probably would not have helped BUT I still ponder if I had responsibility to say something.

If someone would have said something to me would it have changed, probably not but there are many nuances to that.

The point is I’ve always been more concerned in giving them a fair chance rather than the persons they’re with. I see a new truth today.

This time I won’t protect them, I’ll protect myself and any person who might benefit to know my experience instead of being so concerned I’m making g them or myself look bad, I’ll be concerned for the person about to embark on a journey with them and help them take necessary precautions.

And then yes, karma is my boyfriend.

The rest is out of my hands mind and heart.

Boundaries and values set us free.