“I’m learning more and more, over and over that all I can do is my part.
I can reach out. I can’t respond for them.
I can offer help. I can’t make them accept it.
I can throw out the invite. I can’t make them come.
I can make the text (or phone call). I can’t make them answer.
I can ask them if they want to talk it out. I can’t make them communicate.
I can show them kindness. I can’t make them appreciate it.
I can give them friendship. I can’t make them reciprocate.
I can love them. I can’t make them care. And that one is maybe the hardest one of all.
I have a tendency to feel like it’s my responsibility to clean up my side of the street, and then theirs too. I wanna to fix everything. I want to be what people need from me, and I want to go above beyond, and I have a tendency, when it doesn’t work out to put my head down and believe I’m a failure. That I’m lacking. That I’m a letdown and somehow a bad person. I’m not quite sure.
But I’m learning, more and more, over and over that all I can do is my part.
All I can do is keep my side of the street clean.
And that that’s enough.
Trying is enough.
Effort is enough.
Even if it’s not enough for them, for the sake of my own heart, I have to let it be enough for me. Breathe and move forward.
You can lead a soul to friendship, but you can’t make them drink.”
~AMY
I don’t relate to every word, but to most
AND
It’s a lifelong practice and EVERYTIME
I learn it, I unlearn it, I relearn it.
Refining and purifying.
It’s different doses and phases and different details for each relationship but ultimately the pattern is the same.
Please say what you mean and mean what you say and
if you mess up, own it,
and if you feel love share it -
if you want the title of friend, be one -
If someone hurt you, tell them, don’t be passive aggressive or make them guess, own your feelings and give them the chance to own their actions.
Your actions (or in actions) and patterns aka karma label you, I’m just getting better at reading the labels with precision and telling the truth about the small print you may or may not be willing to zoom in to read.
Don’t shame me for reading it,
look at yourself for writing it via your actions aka doing it - or neglecting to do it
i.e. if I offer an invite, if I text you and you don’t text back, if we have agreed on a call and you don’t, if you cancel plans but don’t offer to reschedule; I’m not picking up that ball, overfunctioning, guessing at why or making excuses for you anymore. If something is going on, say it, if you don’t want to connect say it, if you don’t want to hurt my feelings, that’s YOUR inability to reject ppl/feel bad and that’s an actuality and/or a projection of your psyche, not mine AND likely your dishonesty of leading me to believe otherwise previously and THAT too is yours to swallow not mine - you not communicating it just drives the dagger in deeper to creating confusion, mistrust, insecurity, anxiety, uncertainty, and harms in any relationship and in an individual and it’s deeply injurious. It’s cowardice and selfishness and then so many blame theirs on you - which is irresponsible at the minimum and gaslighting at the max.
Quit fucking doing this to people. Stop making excuses to why you do it. Find what your resistance is. Turn and face your fears and discern the truth from them, then speak up.
Consistent communication, reciprocity, accountability, follow through,
it’s not much to ask for,
it’s bare minimum.
#movingon #mercuryretrograde refining friendships as it’s in Leo rn - take stock, checks balances rerouting and maybe close some accounts make space for new incoming 😉
Thank you to the friends I do not have to explain this to. Thank you to those who have been holding so much space for these widely misunderstood grief portals, especially as it pertains to abuse and advocacy around it.
Thank you To those who understand compassionate communication, boundaries and taking care of hearts when they are hurting and holding space as well as being able to say “I can’t right now, but how about_____” instead of ghosting or dropping balls, not picking them up or finally circling back but pretending nothing ever happened. Or worse, blaming you or saying you’re egoic or selfish or toxic for talking about abuse, processing and grieving your pain and sorrows, instead of owning their discomfort and inability to hold space or seek to understand it.
Thank you to my ability to recognize my own overfunctioning in those cycles and stop supporting relationships that are confusing, imbalanced and instead, sadly, feeling the grief and loss and letting them sink.
Summer has been full of fun connections, some long standing, some new, and lots of letting go, still and always again and again I surrender.
Grieve.
Close to repair my heart.
Then open again.
Receive.
Sending love if you can relate and deep gratitude for all the hearts and humans in mine.
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