A useful affirmation for every relationship:
I love myself enough to hold people accountable by telling them when their actions are harmful
And
Letting go of them more promptly when they
Deny
Accuse
Reverse
Victim
Order
“DARVO”
Rather than communicate maturely, validate, take accountability, apologize, relate, seek to or reciprocate understanding and address a change of their behavior or at least find mutual compromises and new agreements.
PS there’s a difference between you bringing awareness to harms, getting blame shifted onto and THEN YOU getting defensive and stand your ground by denying their false accusations ie “you’re being single minded, self righteous, narcissistic”
vs the original issue not being addressed via DARVO
And
I often see this is where victims of emotional and psychological abuse get the most damage inflicted bc now that they’ve defended themselves against the skewed reality of their abuser, and the abuser’s invalidation of their experience or emotions plus they’re often then told they themselves are the abuser or the one in denial or using DARVO after the abuser’s initial DARVO tactic bc the victim’s rebuttal and defensiveness can look similar but DON’T get it twisted.
And keep focused on the first issue.
Trace the facts.
It’s so so so difficult bc most npd abuse survivors are already made to believe they’re wrong for speaking up, defending themselves, holding their ground, or seeing someone’s invalidation manipulation, reverse blame or gaslighting.
They’re made to believe it’s they who should back down, change, apologize
Or that their past trauma caused it
Or their misperception
Or their wrong emotional experience and feelings
Or for not sweeping harms under the rug etc or “not letting things go” when there’s been no apology or changed behavior or validation of how the harm occurred or that it EVEN did.
If you want to learn how to spot these tactics, straighten your view of what’s your responsibility and actually a trigger you need to heal or a trigger pointing out harm that you need to believe and listen to
i.e. what’s theirs and what’s yours
and know how to respond
And
either speak to it and/or shut it down and maybe even simply but difficultly walk away plus regulate your nerves after holding the boundary using g your voice or disconnecting
and
process the fear and grief we avoid by prioritizing others false peace over truth
Hmu for my 1:1 alchemy healing therapies
It’s just one of the many things I work on with clients.
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