Shame on WHO?

12-16-24

So grateful that some are catching up and shutting down the toxic #victimshaming narratives - well intended #responsibility or #spirituality minded quips or not - it needs to end so please continue to take note and learn to discern the differences between when “you need to trust others more/less” is true or when it causes more harm bc the issue may or may not be with the person you are giving that advice to.

In my studies, practices, work with others AND personal experiences I have found that ironically it’s more black and white than my spiritual grey/middle-way/non-dual/all views are valid/ gratitude-mindedness wanted to accept.

The truth is the manipulators are manipulative and YOU DO NOT NEED TO BECOME MORE HYPERVIGILANT WARY OR LESS/MORE TRUSTING in the presence of ppl whose actions, words, tones, intentions, patterns etc don’t align OR those who lead you on to believe they WERE aligned and then switched - THEY need to stop being manipulative. Period.

(Not just manipulative ppl but insert abuse and abusers  - any type - too)

Telling ppl they should’ve seen it or that it’s their fault for “attracting it” is like telling someone who got sideswiped once that they shouldn’t have been driving or they shouldn’t have gotten back on the road or they must’ve done something in their past life to call that accident in, instead of saying “that person should not have been driving, that person should watch more carefully” etc

OR

Telling ppl “you should’ve seen the red flags, next time be more vigilant” is like telling ppl to drive 5 mph on the freeway. We don’t see ppl getting ready to swerve until they swerve and watching for it doesn’t help us, it makes us crazy and paranoid and breaks us.

Most red flags are only yellow at first.

Some even truly look green!

So

Telling ppl they got in that accident “or got their heartbroken or broke their own heart” so they could heal it, is ludacris. When you put it into a physical analogy, the spiritual speak loses a lot of validity. And Trust, I know what you mean by it, there’s some use to help ppl take their power back and cope sometimes in some contexts it truly can help and heal or at least it helps us cope - but please be mindful - bc most of it is off base and I’m personally still healing from my former friends and community doing this to me, in fact I was raised in communities and language like this, most of us were, so please please get curious about where this is hitting for you and curiously check it.

So many analogies but hopefully that extra scenario paints the pic - 👏

As the song goes “don’t stop believing”… 😉

But DO stop telling yourselves you should grow cold or less trusting or watch more closely etc

And DO KEEP HOLDING THE PPL WHO HARM OTHERS with their lies, betrayals lack of accountability etc responsible.

It’s ok to call these ppl out. (And sometimes you’re not safe to so it’s ok to stay quiet too, do what you need to return to your power).

You are not “being judgemental” or gossiping or running a “smear campaign” by telling the truth or warning your friends about manipulative or abusive ppl or institutions or even patterns in our systemic structures

Keep talking

Keep trusting those who deserve it and point out those who need to rebuild it.

It’s tricky to discern bc there certainly ARE ppl who gossip and lie and smear others, so you’ll need to sit with the data and intuitions to find the truths.

And

I don’t have all the answers, but I do have many right questions, an impeccable filtration process to distill truth and mostly I know victim shaming #victimblaming and #spiritualbypassing or even #psychologicalbypass with therapy speak in this “age of information” is endangering more than it’s helping bc too many are misusing or ab-using the well-meaning language and rhetoric around responsibility, spirituality, and awareness to justify harms rather than bring harms to justice.

K byeeee

PS

If you need the JCole “fool me 3x…” line here, please use it;) I do.