What if they were wrong? What if forgiveness is NOT for you?

Forgive, Repent, Attone, Amend… what do we really mean?

I wish i had the energy to FULLY outline and write about the depth of this Holyday and its many meanings, traditions, symbolism and so much more

But today ill say a SMIDGE about the reprogramming of the toxic ideologies nuances needed within the word “forgiveness” aka repentance but I think if we could all start by imagining those words are synonymous we might get it; bc I cant “repent” for anyone except myself and i cant give repentance … thats their work. Between them and god and anyone theyve harmed (which is sometimes just ourselves;)

And forgiveness is simply a byproduct of doing that work

Like karma

Action > Reaction

So

When we say “i forgive” before the proper repair has been done, it CAN be a form of spiritual narcissism and spiritual by bypassing thinking that it’s our work to do when it’s not.

We are clearing their side of the street for them.

Our only job in that moment is to be honest about the amount of damage theyve caused, and how it’s not OK until they do some work to clear it, which can be very difficult for some of us who are taught that forgiveness is the higher course or the best thing to do or that “Jesus sacrificed” so should we (& we become martyrs and enablers when that context is skewed).

Often, peace without justice is just placating.

So

If we are saying, I forgive myself, have we done the work?

They say the best apologies has changed behavior.

So is the best form of self forgiveness.

And

When you have harmed another, the work of repentance, a.k.a. forgiveness becomes more complex because now it’s not just you who has harmed yourself and needs to make amends by changing behaviors that were harming you, it’s you who has harmed another, and that requires you to have conversations with them and ask them “how did I harm you and how can I clean it up“.

Sometimes you can’t reconnect or clean it up with them for various reasons.

Sometimes the only thing you can do is clean it up with yourself and God.

But if you are a person who is thinking that you have been forgiven or tried your best to make amends when you haven’t even asked or had a conversation with the person you’ve harmed, think again.

It’s like saying “sorry” but doing nothing.

Or worse, promising to do something different and then never following through.

its like saying “i love you”

But

Love is an action and a way of being

Or rather

Love is a byproduct of actions and ways of being.

Telling someone you love them, or that you see them or hear them or anything, reminds me of someone telling me they’re laughing.

Just laugh. 😉

Show me.

Just do it.

Say how and why and when and where and all the rest of the details. Leave the blanket statement out of it or at least let the actions lead.

We have so much knowledge of the right words to say we have forgotten about the embodiment of the actions that created the definitions of the words.

We’ve lost the plot.

Just like most spiritual principles, it’s not what you believe. It’s what you do.

All too many of us like to spit out what I call spiritual word salad without actually understanding what it means and unfortunately inadvertently can ccause ourselves & others great harm.

I used to be one of these people. I still catch myself sometimes. I’m still learning, I’m constantly learning. This post is a byproduct of that;)

But the difference between me and some, is that when I catch myself or when others catch me and call me out, I have the ability to self reflect, be humble, sit and sift through my shame, spot, the true part and the false part of it, change my mind if necessary or stand up for myself if not.

Perhaps from there, I even “forgive myself” a.k.a. change my behavior and clean up any messes and remind myself, I am human and it’s OK to make mistakes, as long as I clean up any messes I make as I go along. A.k.a. repentance, a.k.a. amends, a.k.a. forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the principle behind step nine. Step nine is all about making amends.

Once again, forgiveness is not something that you give someone else it’s something you do for yourself and for another

as-in repent.

As in

Recognize the harm you have caused

Own it fully ask how you can clean it up

Follow through

And

Most importantly

change your behavior

For good.

That is forgiveness

That is the resurrection

And it’s always available to you

If

You are willing to look within

Have a conversation with God

And whomever you’ve harmed

And come back to at one ment.

All that said, there’s an anthology more that I could, and maybe will write someday, about the toxic uses of “forgiveness” alone – especially as it pertains to abuse, unhealthy codependence, and our world systems at large today – but I will for now leave space for the language of forgiveness as it pertains to us not knowing any better at the time, and once we’ve known better, we do better, a.k.a. repent, and we are forgiven.

Any other use of forgiveness is likely a therapeutic, emotional, psychological, or spiritual bypass entirely. Often times people want us to do the work of forgiveness for them and they tell us it’s for us… when I got deeply honest with myself, I found that as many times, as I said the words, it never landed until I did deeper work with anger and got honest on a level that required humility, like none other. And ultimately, as much as I wanted to “just forgive“, never once has that actually been true for me, because forgiving someone else was never my work to do.

I didn’t need words I needed actions.

Now, if you’re talking about Letting go of expectations that they might make amends, yeah, sure, but that’s not forgiveness, that’s letting go of an idea.

If you’re talking about understanding where they’re coming from and having compassion for them, sure but that’s also not forgiveness.

Like I said, there’s so much more but in the spirit of the day and the feel good poetic stuff I used to write 😉 please keep reading and enjoy this old reflection from 2020 when I traveled to Sedona and met a temple set inside stone.

It still rings true for certain situations and when we were talking about forgiveness from within.

I pray we all do.

*****

I used to resent the idea of Jesus, Christ, Christian philosophy. It seemed like good versus evil, right v wrong, incongruous truth and I suppose it is still taught that way in many places, however, when I began doing shadow work and looking at my fears I saw, first, my resentment, which I actually didn’t recognize as resentment for awhile because it wasn’t “anger”, it was “smug superiority” as my friends pointed out, and still a resentment. A separation. An ego construct.

Where we have resentment, we have shadows.

Where we have shadows, we have teachers.

So, I dove in, started unearthing the treasures in my darkness around my beliefs systems/karmic/ancestral stories passed down from these lineages.

There’s too much to tell in one post but I will say that after repeatedly looking inward at my own language around these teachings I started to see the truth. Christ is Compassion. The passion of Christ.

Com (meaning with)

Passion (meaning suffering)

Jesus was teaching shadow work 😉 this “new-age” spirituality is nothing new. It’s ancient esoteric truth that is catching a “new wave”.

Be with your suffering. Make friends. Relatives. We are all related. The truth is omnipresent in all teachings when we know how to inquire with in.

Aka: Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

Forgive *them for they know not what they do. Not because it’s ok, but because you are free enough to offer them that compassion- understanding and being with their suffering- not just telling them to “transcend” but sitting with them.

*“Them” including the lost and broken parts of myself. The persona, the ego, the antagonist, satan, the devil...lived 🙃

The shepherd recalling his flocks is you.

Herd them,

heard them,

Re-call,

Re-member the dismembered,

within.

Resurrect

Realign

Be at one w/yourself.

At one ment

Atonement

Do you see🤓?

That’s oneness, “we are one”, but first we must look at where we are still separated... our shadows will guide us back to center,

the heart,

the divine union,

masculine/fem

yoga,

Christ consciousness,

Truth,

Love,

Home,

Ohm,

Aum,

Amen,

Aho

I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. #hooponopono

Happy Life death Life day

May you know yourself in all forms and stages and love yourself well by doing the actions that align with your beliefs

Aka

Embody Christ Consciousness

PS this is the alchemy