Forgiveness is for who? The spiritual bypass of forgiveness and the gifts and wisdom given in NOT forgiving.

Sometimes forgiveness CAN heal, IF it’s genuine, if there’s no other choice, if you don’t have capacity and more

AND

SOME things “only god forgives”.

Meaning “your forgiveness is given when you FULLY apologize AND amend the harm WITH the person you hurt AND clear it with god, until then your karma WILL return, AND you do get my compassionate understanding that you’re disconnected & *i* can’t reconnect u aka “I let go” of that, and the timing

but

I’m still required to do my part by NOT playing god, ‘forgiving you’ relieving you of your guilt when you’ve shown little to no humility, remorse, changed action or repaired damages;

I’m not self-abandoning sweeping your harms under rugs claiming forgiveness

bc

that’s what I did IN the relationship

And

it’s what perpetuates #abuse - I’m breaking the chains” ⛓️‍💥

You get that typa forgiveness.

The “do better” type.

I believe these ppl can and will if WE stop enabling 1/2 assed apologies with the faux and toxic forgiveness practices.

This only makes them think they can just keep moving that way, harming others, not clearing their past fully

AND

Part of MY responsibility is to see how I perpetuate that by for-giving before them giving repairs.

Dont get it twisted.

&

Dont twist or project your story and belief on us.

This is not hate and negativity, it’s just being done with #toxicpositivity is just clear seeing and courage in saying it. Aka healing and actual positivity. But we’ve All been programmed to think positivity is fluffy. Positivity is forward action.

This is not holding a resentment.

Its just a clear truth and boundary

Its raising awareness of #ToxicSpirituality and #spiritualbypassing

Its helping those who’ve over functioned not only IN relationships with these ppl but also out of the relationships in their healing

Its raising consciousness to TRUTH and LOVE and its right uses and AB-uses.

SO,

Continue on your journey,

Forgive yourself for forgiving them, believing in them, trusting them, giving grace more consistently than holding them accountable, expressing yourself, standing up, defending your right to respect and decency, consistency and integrity, reciprocity and true peace. Not avoidant abuse, emotional disconnect, and neglect masquerading as “peace, stoicism, spiritual solutions and maturity”.

Forgive yourself for doubting your read in their poor behavior, and calling it self reflection and doing the work when it was more often than not just over functioning and doing their emotional laundry.

Forgive yourself for not having the words to logic your way out of the manipulations and gaslights, until you did.

For not understanding the depths of their disconnect.

Congratulate yourself for eventually seeing it, kindly speaking to it, being patient, giving chances, holding your ground, working WITH them, like any good partner would.

Release the idea that this dynamic was your fault. It’s all on them. Remind yourself abusers abuse, manipulators manipulate, if you were w a different person who was healthy and mature, none of this would’ve happened.

You’re not dumb.

You’re not weak.

They injured you again but youre not broken beyond repair.

Remember how strong and secure you were before you met them;

They made you feel safe and loved enough to let your guard down and get you committed and bonded then start the lil jabs and papercuts.

Mottled with good things n breadcrumbs so it’s hard to tell if it’s you or them.

And now the #traumabonding begins…

You stick up for them.

Like any good partner would.

They take your good strong traits and intentions and intelligence and twist it just enough for you to question and then they keep doing that lil by lil until your brain breaks and you can’t see straight.

You start inadvertently enabling their abuse with your compassion, thinking it’s just giving grace,

Their and others’ gaslights of you being too sensitive, reading into it, entitled etc start to play on repeat,

Youre trying to see the good in them, focus on the positive, stay grateful, dont be a victim, no one is perfect,

but eventually your brain breaks from trying to make sense of their non-sense aka their misaligned actions, words, tones, patterns aka their cognitive dissonance

But you catch the dissonance.

Then you start to unravel from it

You get help

You do the work

You speak up

And

Now they can’t manipulate you anymore.

You hope that bc youve done your work, theyll do theirs.

But instead

They’re faced with accountability they dont take it

Instead of seeing they’re behaving badly, AND amending it, AND facing all their fears and demons when they do.

Or

Finding someone else who they can run game on.

And they discard you bc cowardice.

And call it love and continue to gaslight you and your friends as you separate.

Breaking so much more than if they would’ve

Just

Owned

Their

Shit.

So no,

You dont have to forgive them to “feel peace”.

Forgiveness in this case is NOT for you it does not always benefit you like all thise spiritual ppl claim; it does however benefit them. And the exploitative injustices continue.

Can you see why some ppl push it so hard?

It’s hard work to do it differently. To change a belief installed for centuries. To find new ways and carve new paths.

Programming runs deep.

And so do the corrosive threads of abuse and enablers masking ot with “spirituality”.

Instead, I invite you to be authentic about your emotions. To explore what’s true for you. If forgiveness feels authentic for you - amazing!

For me, i saw the lie. I got honest.

As someone who used to use it to escape feeling her own shadows of rage that became beacons for others,

that lit torches and burned bridges,

purged toxic people and stories out of my life for good,

and

broke ancestral curses when i finally got honest about “forgiveness” it’s false stories and shadows; I understand if youre there in “forgiveness is for you” story bc honestly sometimes it is and most of us do not have the capacity to become that storm and fire AND sometimes it’s truly not our path

And

If you want to really feel, heal, hear the wisdom and usefulness of what’s under the possible spiritual bypass of “forgiveness”

Hmu for 1:1 alchemy and trauma healing.

Or join our women’s group where we will be excavating the wisdom of these concepts via Women who run w Wolves

&

reclaim this authenic wildness

starting in May 3rd

Free webinar on April 26th

Check it out

https://www.mikellepoulson.com/women-who-run-with-wolves-book-club-and-process-group