A lot of ppl practicing emotional avoidance and calling it spirituality or “mastering acceptance”.
A lot of ppl practice emotional abuse and calling it enlightenment.
A lot of ppl acting unfuckablewith, “stoic” and “secure” when it’s actually highly insecure to feign or actually have no fear and no shame OR a mark of psychopathy.
I said goodbye to my “I’m not affected tough girl” she kept me safe through a ton of crazy years but I’ve learned that actually the truth is
I’m
Affected.
And
It’s good.
It’s a sign of healing and security to show it.
Showing insecurity and being affected IS the true mark of security.
Bc I’m a highly sensitive person AND not afraid to show it or rather I’m afraid and do it anyway aka courage.
Not bc I’m devoid of feeling or “so over it and healed so fast and now look at me I’m so strong” that’s the weird arrogant hero’s tale we get so attached to and while it’s useful sometimes it’s been taken out of context and glorified in ways that are making “trauma” sound like the best thing that ever happened to us… we learn yes but … we can learn from and in joy too.
Too much emotional disregulation can be a mark of unhealthy anxiety and insecurity sure
&
Not enough disregulation in circumstances like heartbreak that actually warrant it, can also be a mark of unhealthy detached insecurity and avoidance or worse.
We need a lil vulnerability to be real and sane and secure otherwise we’re just weird perfect looking robots 🤖 😳😣😵💫 and actually THAT is the insanity.
We gotta untwist this story of what is and isn’t actually “secure attachment” - saying “it is what it is” after experiencing deep trauma may be a great coping tool for a time but if we don’t go deeper we’ll keep hurting ourselves and others bc the patterns of emotional detachment will persist and the cycles too.
I found it not only in the microcosm in myself, my patterns toward myself, but also in the macro; friends, work, businesses, operations, governments and social systems in general 😵💫
I messaged a friend after my newly ex-bf uncaringly gave my bike away during our property exchanging agreements and she replied “yep, breakups are hard” as if to say “it is what is” an incredibly hurtful dismissive response we’ve been programmed to think is good, higher minded, logical or wise- rather than the actually emotionally supportive sane response from my other mentor and friend saying “wow, I can’t believe he did that…” etc etc.
Just check in with your experiences around this phrase… where it’s been useful and where it’s been harmful aka ab-useful.
Other more extreme examples of being v harmfully detached:
When I was addicted and insane and mind/spirit broken, I had no fear about consequences of my actions, -my amygdala and frontal lobe didn’t communicate- I tried actually to care and physical could not bc those mechanisms were intentionally disconnected and shut off by drugs… there are ppl irl who don’t have these connective tissues and/or who use “spirituality” in the same way as drugs; masquerading as “put together” when they’re actually not even present.
So
Beware
Be AWARE
There’s a huge difference between healthy detachment, acceptance, v apathy and psychopathy and this phrase, depending on context, is often used by npds and psychopaths who can not connect to empathy, to bypass a real human experience and emotion.
Used rightly it’s a great tool for letting go but too many people are practicing this thinking it’s Buddhism and enlightened when it’s actually in most cases #spiritualbypassing #toxicpositivity #stoicism and emotional avoidance and in some cases #emotionalabuse
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